"Zoe, I think we've been tortured enough," Mal said. Zoe was continuing the farce that started in the kitchen, and Mal and Wash were playing right along. Wash was dragging her down the hall to their quarters and Zoe was dragging Mal right along with them.

"Oh, come on Mal," Wash said, "Like they say, you can never have enough torture."

"Well, your wife has the 'yank a man's wrist from its socket' down cold. Zoe!" Mal was laughing and really trying now to pull away, but Zoe had an iron grip and she was pulling forward and down on Mal's wrist, even as Wash was tripping over his boots as he pulled Zoe by the waist.

They were docked on a tiny planet, out of the way, so Mal and Wash could recover without being banged around too much. Also, so Jayne wouldn't have to keep flying Serenity, something he was ill-equipped to do, as everyone had pointed out.

Jayne came around the corner from the kitchen and leaned heavily against the wall, putting more food in his mouth.

"Can I watch?" Jayne asked.

"This is between me and my men, Jayne," Zoe replied. "Maybe someday you'll get your turn."

"I don't even know what that means," Jayne said. He watched them carefully until they'd pushed and pulled themselves, laughing fit to bust, down the stairs and into the hall leading to the cockpit. Another few steps and they'd be at Wash and Zoe's bunk.

"Uh, Mal, if you don't mind, me and my wife are going to have some quiet reunion time."

"I don't mind, only your wife ain't letting go of me."

"Honey, let go of the nice captain now, he's had enough for one day."

"You two aren't getting off that easily," Zoe said, a serious look taking place of the laughter. "If you know what I mean."

"I surely don't," Mal said, still grinning.

Wash released his hold on Zoe and swung down the ladder to their bunk. "Honey, when you get tired of teasing the captain, you know where to find me." He sounded only slightly exasperated. Mal was relieved. Their near death experience at the hands of Niska had mellowed his pilot a bit and he was glad of it. Zoe seemed to want to continue the joke now, however, and Mal was curious about that. Maybe she was still irritated with Wash asserting himself and then needing to be rescued.

"Come along now, Captain. I have plans for my men. You don't want to miss this." Zoe had a booted toe resting on the first rung and she was grinning again. Mal surely did want to miss this, actually. But there was this thing he had about always having the upper hand on his own boat. And Wash had undermined him; he'd undermined the way things had always been done, and he had put the basic need to keep Serenity flying in jeopardy. And Mal was kinda pissed off about that. Plus, he always liked to see how far he could push Wash. He liked to get under other people's skin. He liked to know he had their number. So he swiftly made his judgment call and shimmied down the ladder after Zoe, calling out to Wash, making a number of coarse jokes.

He could always climb back up in about five minutes. Or so he thought.

The minute he'd landed on his feet, Zoe banged the ladder up and pressed him against the wall with one hand. He let out a startled "Whu?" before she'd clipped a magnetic cuff over his wrist. With a bang, she clamped it behind his back against the wall behind him and stepped back, out of reach of his free arm.

"Zoe, what the hell are you doing, woman?" Wash shouted. A blush crept up his neck. "This has gone far enough."

Mal started laughing. He'd been surprised, but now the look on Wash's face was exactly what he'd come here for. "Your woman handcuffed me!" he told Wash incredulously.

"I... I can see that." Wash had been sitting on the bed, but jumped up when Zoe shoved Mal against the wall. Now, he sat back down, carefully, as if he thought he might break. "Zoe?"

"Way I figure it," Zoe said, moving over to ruffle Wash's hair as he sat, stunned and staring, "You two owe me. You had your big macho showdown, and damned if I didn't see it coming. Then you did your thing, and then I had to rescue your sorry asses." Her mouth twisted in a grim smile. Mal thought maybe Zoe had been angrier about what had happened than she would ever let on.

"And it wasn't easy," Zoe continued. "And the rest of the crew - even the peaceful ones - got dragged in too. Maybe it was good for them, but this was not good for me." Zoe emphasized her last words by crossing her arms over her chest and staring laser holes through both men. "You owe me."

"Okay, we owe you," Wash said, "We get it, we fucked up, we're very very sorry honey. Now uncuff the captain before he gets angry."

But Mal didn't look angry. He still had the smug, gleeful look on his face that Zoe very much wanted gone. They stared at each other, unblinking.

"Honey?" Wash said. "Joke's gone far enough."

"This ain't no joke," Zoe said, looking away from Mal and pinning Wash down with her eyes. "You two owe me and what I want is for you to play nice."

"We will, honey, we will," Wash put his hands out toward her in a placating gesture, as if he were trying to calm a wild jungle cat.

"I want you to play nice, now," Zoe said.

"Okay. How do we play?" Wash asked with resignation, and appeared to instantly regret the question.

In answer, Zoe walked over to Mal and gripped him by the collar with both hands. Mal twinkled at her. "Now, Zoe, be gentle when you kiss me..."

But Zoe didn't kiss him, she twisted the fabric in her fists and pulled his shirt down and out and the whole thing ripped, buttons flying, leaving Mal's chest exposed.

"Zoe!" Wash was on his feet, running a hand through his hair.

But Zoe grabbed Wash in much the same way and yanked. "Those buttons cost money!" he complained. He squirmed and reached for what was left of his shirt, but Zoe had him by the suspenders and with two quick pulls they snapped off, zooming around the room.

"It's all fun and games until someone's clothing takes out an eye," Mal drawled from his inglorious position, waving his one loose hand around. "You gonna let us whale on each other or what? Way I figure it, having one hand tied is meant to level the playing field. I could still take Wash with both hands tied. Hell! Both legs too!"

"The only thing you need to have tied is your tongue," Wash hissed.

"Take off your boots, husband, I'll get Mal's," Zoe said calmly.

"Bu gou, Zoe. Seriously. Enough is enough," Wash said. But when Zoe glared at him, he began untying the boots. "You're scaring me."

"Scared of an itty bitty woman?" Mal said. He had to say, he was enjoying himself far more than he'd hoped. The utter humiliation of Wash would reset the game and he'd be back in charge of his ship, his crew, his soldier. And that was worth indulging a little of Zoe's rage.

"Ow," Mal complained as Zoe wrenched his boots from his feet with ferocious tugs. She straightened and he made a grab for her, but that was a mistake as she took his wrist in one easy motion, swung around, and pinned his arm to his side. "Okay, okay, that hurts," Mal said, trying not to whine. He still hadn't fully recovered from all the shit that Niska had inflicted. Zoe had the upper hand. And oh my, she had the upper hand, because now she was undoing his pants with one hand and Mal thought it was about time to put up a real protest. "Zoe, Zoe, I've been trying to tell you, I just don't think of you that way."

"Oh, it's not me you'll be thinking of Cap'n," Zoe said. "But my husband."

"I can tell you honestly I don't think much of your husband. But you never listen to me, do you?"

"Zoe, take your hands off that man," Wash said in a trembling voice. He was pacing back and forth, not wanting to get too close to Mal's unrestrained hand or to Zoe, who seemed bent on getting both men undressed for whatever insane reason. "We feel bad, we're humiliated, all right? What, you want us to march around the ship in our underwear? We'll do it, right Mal? We'll do it." He was sweating because something just seemed off, and Mal could sense that Wash was out of his depth.

Zoe turned her attention back to Wash. "Husband, you haven't denied me too many things since we've been married, ain't that so?" Wash nodded, eyes going wide, as if that might be the wrong answer. "And I want you two to play nice. I want to see you two boys kiss and make up. I want to see you really feeling comfortable with each other. I want this and like I said," her wide mouth flashed a smile like a beacon in a dark sky; "You owe me one."

Wash just gaped at her. His mouth made little opening and closing motions. Mal was waiting for him to squeak.

"He saved your life, Wash," Zoe murmured softly. "He's saved all our lives many a time. Can't you bring yourself to a little tenderness? For me?"

"Oh god," Mal said, rolling his eyes hard in his head. "I'm not following where I think you're going, no I am not. I am not hearing this."

"What, I'm not good enough for you?" Wash said, his forehead creasing suddenly, his eyes accusing.

"Good as it gets, I just..." Mal waved the free hand again, ineffectively. The wave didn't really express what he wanted to say. He couldn't say he didn't like men, that wasn't a bit of true. He couldn't say he had someone else, that was wishful thinking. He couldn't say he didn't want any, that was just a silly lie. "I just..." he sighed. "Gorramit!" He'd given up ground, and he was practically naked. Plus, just the idea of it was starting to get him hard. Oh gorram-and-damn.

Wash looked at Zoe. "You're saying you don't want him, but you want me to want him?"

"In so many words," Zoe said, her voice still soft, her mouth still curved in a smile. "I think it'll ease some of the current tension. And I can get a lot of mileage out of the visual."

"Oh," Wash said, still looking at her. "Oh."

"You want to watch us," Mal said. He was losing ground, and Zoe had completely thrown him off. His mouth was dry and his voice had none of that authority that he so loved to have. If he wasn't careful, he was going to give away just how lonely he was, how he'd felt on Niska's torture table, once Wash had been saved, knowing that he didn't have to save himself. He had no one to save by saving himself. It was nice, in a way, to let go. It was decidedly not nice to come back and see Niska's stupid face leering in his. But the sight of Zoe and the rest, coming back for him was too much like joy and that scared him shitless. He didn't want the war to define him, but it did.

Zoe had been undressing Wash while Mal was letting the thought sink in. Wash just looked shell-shocked and humiliated. Mal felt a tiny twinge of sympathy for him. Couldn't be easy living with a woman like Zoe, good as she was for the most part. He was sorta surprised that the whole "two husbands" issue hadn't come about sooner.

"He did save my life, Zoe," Wash told her in low tones that barely reached Mal's ears. "He did. You don't even know what he did. How he knew what I was going through and what would keep me alive."

"I know Wash," Zoe replied. "I've seen him do it. Many a time. And I'm grateful it worked as well as it did. This time."

Wash removed the remnants of his shirt and Mal saw the freckled shoulders and the muscled white stomach as Wash stood and Zoe moved away into the corner. Wash's eyes fixed on him, and then they flickered to the side.

Mal just froze and let Wash approach him. Wash didn't seem to be self-conscious about wearing only a pair of white cotton underwear, but he couldn't meet Mal's eyes. Mal could have said it wasn't necessary, that he didn't want Wash's gratitude, that all Wash had to do was keep flying and Mal would love him for it, but he couldn't speak. All he could do was put out a hand to stop him before something happened.

Wash put his own hand up and pressed his palm to Mal's. Mal lost his breath. How long since he'd been touched with intent? Kaylee's lips pressed to his cheek; that was as close as he got to things he was sure he didn't need. And Wash's hand was warm and he pressed hard enough that there wasn't even a space in the middle where their hands should have normally curved and left a hollow.

Mal suddenly knew what he wanted. He twined his fingers with Wash's and pulled him forward. Wash's hand rested like a nervous bird on his chest.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Wash said. "I mean, I have no idea, and when I say I have no idea..."

"Shut up," Mal said. He pulled again on Wash's hand and Wash stopped talking, leaned in and fastened his mouth on Mal's neck. Mal encouraged him with little breaths, releasing Wash's hand and running his own up to Wash's shoulder. When he pressed on it, surprisingly, Wash dropped to his knees, taking Mal's briefs with him on the downward journey.

Now Mal had a clear view of Zoe, who had gone silent and slipped under the covers of her bed, her eyes trained with eagerness on her husband's back. She didn't even seem to notice Mal staring at her. Mal jerked with the pleasure of Wash's lips and tongue on his cock. He certainly didn't know what he was doing, but Mal was sure that he'd do what he thought best. Men always did. He rested his hand lightly in Wash's hair and groaned in encouragement. Wash was gentle, licking and kissing, and it was completely new.

It wasn't enough to come, however, and Mal soon wanted badly to reciprocate. In spite of how good it felt, he was ashamed to have Wash on his knees in front of him, as if Wash the only one who was grateful. As if saving his life required payment. That seemed wrong to Mal and soon he pulled Wash up by the arm.

"What, what?" Wash was wide-eyed. "Totally wrong, I know, I know," he said.

"Not at all," Mal murmured. "Too good. Great. I need to see you, have you closer." He pulled Wash up against him and leaned in to kiss him. Wash looked horrified and tried to pull back. "Wash?"

"I don't know if I can do this," Wash said. His neck craned around to look for Zoe. "Zo?"

"Don't worry about Zoe," Mal said. "I'm not looking at her, I'm looking at you." He tried to stare into Wash's eyes, which were rolling around in his head like a horse's. "Wash!" Mal shook him. "Zoe's watching. Give her something to enjoy. She wants you to, and I really, really want you to." Mal was now making admissions he'd never thought he'd be capable of in a million years. But he was completely aroused and there was no way Wash was going to turn around now and leave him high and dry. There was no way.

He kept his hand on Wash's neck until Wash finally looked him in the eye. Something there must have told him what he needed to know because he calmed down and kept eye contact. Mal leaned in and brushed his lips across Wash's. Wash didn't flinch, so Mal reeled him in and pressed his mouth hard to Wash's, opening his lips, flicking his tongue out, until he felt Wash relax under his mouth.

"Your underwear. Off," Mal instructed once he had Wash panting. He complied, and Mal dragged him back into the embrace immediately. He could feel Wash angling backwards, trying not to let his cock brush against Mal's. So Mal had to pull as far away from the wall as the cuff would let him. His cock was aching to touch something. He resumed the kiss, opening his eyes to look at Wash, meeting the other man's gaze. They stared at each other as they exchanged quick kisses, Mal looking down, Wash looking up. Every time their cocks brushed, Wash gasped and winced as if it was painful. Mal kept kissing the winces away until they stopped appearing. Wash's hands had been tentatively resting on his chest and now he moved them down to Mal's hips and around to his back. As Wash became more confident, Mal retreated, letting Wash do what made him feel good. He bent to Wash's lips, took in Wash's tongue, pulled him in to make tiny thrusting movements.

Wash began to gasp in earnest and thrust harder against Mal. Mal felt him harden completely and the friction pushed him to the edge. Before he knew what was happening, he bit Wash's lips and came. Wash moved his hands to Mal's ass and kept thrusting against him, rubbing into the come, keeping their mouths locked together, moving faster and harder. It seemed like forever and a day before Wash came with a low grunt, shuddering against Mal.

Looking over Wash's shoulder, he couldn't much of Zoe, just her eyes, glittering and dark beneath her wild, curly hair, the rest of her shrouded in the red blanket.

Mal kissed Wash softly on the forehead. He heard a click and his arm came free. He brought up his other hand and cupped Wash's face. "Wash, I..."

"Please, please, don't say anything," Wash said. The look of humiliation was back, skirting the edges of his expression. "And please just nod when I say I do not want to hear about this ever again."

Mal felt a tiny twinge in his stomach. He would never tell the others, that's not what he was about. But to never speak of it with Wash meant to never have it again. And Mal wasn't quite sure at this moment that he never wanted this to happen again. But he nodded solemnly anyway. Wash let out a sigh of relief and Mal released him.

Mal dressed slowly, thoughtfully, as Wash brought down the wash basin with a bang and began cleaning up. Zoe remained silent. Mal wondered if she regretted what she had done. There was no way of knowing if she'd enjoyed it or not. She'd tell Wash, but Mal would never know.

He'd never know what Wash felt, what he'd been thinking of while he'd had sex with Mal. For all his pilot's simplicity, Wash was inscrutable at this moment.

As Mal climbed out of their bunk and went back to his own, he thought about Wash. About what a man would do for his woman. But mainly about what Wash felt like. How good it was to feel him bending underneath Mal's mouth and then have him respond. How he'd kissed Mal's cock and run his tongue up the underside. How he'd latched on to Mal's neck.

How Mal would likely never feel any of it again.

And he hated Zoe just a little for that.